Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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