how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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