Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
