1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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