it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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