"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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