I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
