Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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