remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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