i love accidental penises.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
