Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
