3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
