I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
