He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
