a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
