I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
