The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
