you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
