I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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