You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
