Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
