Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
