i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
My dad just said "fuck circus"
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
