I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
