So drunk its hurt
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
