I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
