Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
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