btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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