im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
