By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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