He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Randomize
