Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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