Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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