apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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