You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
