I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize