I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
