I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
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