you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
