Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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