his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I love you. Go after that dick
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
