i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
