I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
