he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
