You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
