Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
