He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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