he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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