I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
