O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
