I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
