can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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