The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
We had sex on a dog bed..
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
