I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I think I died a long time ago.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
