The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
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